Well, finally I'm taking the time to write the blog again... I'd been making a page every three months for those signed up to my newsletter to see what was going on with me backstage - called Backstage Chatter. I'll try and post them here, but don't know if I'll have the time or if it'll allow me to do so...
But all that html was taking too much time and energy to figure out. I don't do my own newsletters any more, since it's mainly just professional info on them and my assistant can take care of that. And some people - gasp - didn't want to hear about my dog!! So all the personal scoop that I had on my Backstage Chatter pages, I'll now put on here. If you want to read about it!
So, my life has drastically changed since I last blogged. Tullio, my beloved canine companion has passed away - about a year ago. He was twelve and had a bad heart, as many Cavaliers do.
I broke up with my long-term partner Jan in December 2007 after 10 and a half years. Traumatic, is all I can and want to say. We were supposed to get married this summer. In Santa Fe. I wonder if I'll ever stop having regrets about Jan, and the same from his side, but I think that after 10 and a half years, we should've been able to make it work for at least 6 months without some kind of mess if we were really and truly suited to one another. I'd been saying since almost the beginning that we were not suited, and yet we kept trying to make a round peg fit in a square hole.
I moved all my stuff into storage in Brussels for the moment and I'm looking to move back to Italy. And in March, I started dating my dear old friend of 14 years, the original Tullio, after whom I named the dog.
Tullio, my human friend, has all the beautiful qualities of his namesake in a strong, adult, and beautiful man. We'd been friends all these years, but had never been single at the same time. It was as if I automatically had no gender for him once I was "taken" or he was involved with someone. But the jump from buddy to much more has been an incredible and extremely natural one. How I never even suspected that there would be such a passion between us is beyond me! He's wonderful and I'm absolutely in love like I never have been in my life. Maybe too soon, but I've known him so long, he's not an unknown equation to me. I adore this man, and he takes care of me as well. We're one big mutual admiration club between us. He makes me so happy!
So, here I am in Santa Fe, singing (sporadically) Polissena in Radamisto. In this production (David Alden), she's full of angst all the time, tortured, beaten down, out of her mind... My only beautiful slow aria's at the very beginning of the opera, and is so full of freaked-out angst that you don't really listen to it - plus it's the exposition of the entire opera, so the audience is still getting used to everything. The other two leads (Radamisto and Zenobia) get a lament or two towards the end of the opera, when everything slows down and they pour out their souls. My character's so freaked the whole time that you don't get one moment to really FEEL with her. Funny, when they sent me the cuts, Zenobia's character had a TON more cuts and was much smaller than my role. Then when I arrived, all those cuts were mysteriously open. I wonder if that was some tactic used to get me to sign my contract? Weird. Hmmmmm....
Frankly, I thought my role was the prima donna in this show until we started doing the bows. !! I've been a bit oblivious, obviously. Not that it matters that much, but why come all this way far from home for SUCH a long time to sing the seconda donna for absolutely no money? Harry Bicket and David Alden and all my colleagues have been fantastic to work with - - but after putting up with the altitude here and suffering so much from singing outside (more on that later), I don't think I'll return to Santa Fe. Especially because of the altitude. Everyone's SO NICE here, and there are so many wonderful things to do, but if you live in Europe (and your beau is there and can't come spend the summer HERE with you), it's no vacation. I think it's greta for people with kids and families who want someplace to hang out with them during the summer. But it just didn't fit my life. There has to be a good mixture of decent money, prestige and artistic enrichment in an engagement to warrant me being away from home so long, and this one has the second and TONS of the last, but seriously lacks in the number one category... Oh well. I'm not in this for the money, but it does help to rationalize being 6 weeks away from my beau if you get paid well AND people go ape about your performance. My performances here have been "nice," but nobody has told me they were blown away. Hmmm.
Back to my fear of thunder. Yes, thunder. Astrapophobia, to be exact. I hadn't given a thought to my phobia of thunder until the first dress rehearsal here. I walked out onstage and a clap of thunder rumbled all around me. IT'S AN OUTDOOR THEATER. Crap. I tried to ignore it, think myself around it as usual ("thunder doesn't hurt you, lightning does, and we're covered up top by the roof, so even that can't hurt you!"), concentrate on what I was singing, get into the action... all to no avail. During the intermission, I had a total melt-down. And sang like shit the rest of the dress rehearsal. Lucky for me, lots of people were there to hear me for the first time! yahoo!! I AM being facetious. I guess I won't have to worry about Santa Fe begging me to come back after that! ha ha!
So luckily we've not had any more thunder during the shows, but I'm trying to find a therapist or hypnotist or something here to help me get over this stupid phobia. Most people don't even know this about me, and I'd even forgotten it was even an issue. How often does it thunder when you're around me? And when we're outside? If I'm at home, I go to bed and put a pillow over my head. I'm sure my own inner turmoil added to my panic - I'm quite vulnerable right now. How annoying. But I'm trying to be patient with and good to myself.
Meanwhile, I suck down oxygen before and during the show in between scenes. Otherwise, I just can't catch my breath when I'm running around, acting and most of all, singing. It's so frustrating not to be able to be as active as I'd like to be onstage because I simply have not adjusted to the altitude. I still have never nailed my last aria - I run out of steam and my throat dries out by the end because I'm gasping so much for air. Luca Pisaroni and I have even simplified the staging, but it doesn't really help. I just can't breathe. Period.
Miraculously, I've gotten stellar critiques for my croaking. What the heck? Only ONE person noticed I was gasping for air like a bass on a hook and even he was really nice about it.
Oh well. I hope it'll get better sometime soon. Don't hold your breath. ;-)
All my best,
Laura
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